A Letter To Myself

Dear 'The-Other-Side-Of-Me', How have you been? I hope things are good on your side? I've been trying to be a good girl. I think I've been doing quite well. Not thinking too much about stressfull things. Trying to keep cool at everything. Pacing myself with the wedding preparations. But today, I had a conversation with mommy which made me feel awful right after. I felt crappy. I felt lousy. I felt stress. I felt like giving up. You know how loved ones can affect you that way. Cause you just want to make them proud, be perfect to them all the time and hear them sing praises of you. But I felt so horrible. It was just a small matter about some wedding stuff. But it felt like a big deal to me cause when I proposed the idea to her, she was all out in supporting me. But the moment I share with her some negative feedbacks which I have received, she started saying things which felt like 'I told you so'. Mommy thinks its not always wise for her to share her advice with me nowadays, cause I have different opinions and ways of thinking. She feels like I'm making my decisions as an adult and she's trying not to interfere with that. But I got upset, when she started saying all of these because it felt like she thinks that I've made many disappointing decisions. And that just didn't felt good. I feel so lost. Why was she supporting me one moment then the next moment she said that I shouldn't be doing this or that? I love my mommy alot. She's like my super idol. I wanna grow up to be just like her. But right now I feel so useless and nothing like my mom. I'm not independant like her, I'm not creative like her, I'm not organized like her, I'm not a great cook like her, I'm not hardworking like her and I'm not strong like her. I'm crumbling inside :( Love, Imhopeful