2011 is almost here!!

I can't believe its the last few days of 2010!

Where did all of it went?

This has been the-most-changes-in-a-year year for me. The greek holiday, the London proposal, the resignation, the moving back to KL, the house hunting, the wedding preparations...so much has happened!

Since I finished the temporary job stint last month, I was preparing for the pre-wedding photo session due the following week in Singapore. It was super! We didn't have a really smooth trip, but that day when we were taking photos, the weather was awesome, the crew were fun, my hubby was happy, that made me happy! It was memorable, and I would love to do it all over again. Hehe :) After the awesome time I had at the pre-wedding photoshoot, my relatives came to visit in KL and I was busy taking them out and playing host.

There was also painting works which created so much havoc in the family house. Moving furniture, throwing out things, wiping and dusting, all the flying dirt and chemical smell was driving me insane! Christmas was here before I knew it. My first time celebrating with hubby's family. Really felt warm fuzzy. I know it means alot to Nic especially.

Now is counting down to new year! And then I'm left with 5 months to get everything right for our wedding! Better get the organizing on full gear this time!!

What am I doing?

I can't believe that I haven't blogged for almost two months. This might be the longest I've left my blog at a stand still. I almost forgotten my ID and password to login, that bad.

I'm totally living a different lifestyle now. Not skipping to lunch or wedding researching anymore. I'm working. Temporary, as an admin kinda thingy for a corporate communications department in some company. I'm glad the word temporary existed. I often wonder if I'll ever survive office work since I've never really did it full time, ever in my life. Now the answer is quite an apparent - Yes. I don't think I will survive it. At least not in the corporate communications department. So much office politics, so rigid work hours, stupid jam, parking problems, it seems like the list might never end.

I guess I took up this temporary job offer cause I really felt like sitting at home feels really unproductive. I wasn't earning anything, and every time I offer to pay anything these days, people get defensive and says I'm not allowed to pay cause I'm not getting any income. I know its kinda silly to fight for this kinda stuff, I mean, who will say no to free lunch right? But I'm so used to being financially independent. I love to spend my friends and family every once in awhile. But now even my mom refuses to take allowances from me. Its so frustrating!

Also, I didn't think planning for my wedding would take up so much time. Most of the decisions I needed to make felt like it could be done over the weekend. Now weekend comes and all I wanna do is sleep and spend time with my family and friends.

Sigh~

But I won't give up. Its another one and a half months and I'm over with this job. The only consolation for me now is I get to spend every working day with my sis. She actually introduced me to this part time thing. So I'm in the same company as her. We car pool to work, we lunch together and car pool home. The only fun part about working.

I need to reclaim my happy self again....

Wedding Jitters

"My sister is damn awesome!"

I wanted to start writing some updates about what I have been up to recently but didn't know where to start. I told my sis about it and she asked me to start with that. So not shy. But I still love her ;)

Since I mentioned that life has been slow moving since coming back here, I have been religiously reading bridal magazines, wedding planning books, bridal forums, sourcing for the best dinner location, looking at possible future love nest, researching for stuff online, house-hunting and just chilling (yes I still have time for that...haha).

I admit that when I started doing all of those things in the first week, I was close to going crazy. I barely had time to discuss anything with Nic cause he worked late and I didn't want to be the one making all decisions. We were constantly snapping at each other almost everytime we met up or spoke over the phone.

Then that one day, while I was showering, I was thinking a whole lot. I seriously didn't want to go through hell planning a wedding. I want to remember it, enjoy it, love every moment of it. Its something I want to look back at with good memories. So we talked about it, we calmed down each other's nerves, and I've not looked back since. Now we are back to our sweet selves and taking it one thing at a time. Its not worth arguing over these things. Its just an event. Being married is more important.

But its weird that I keep getting bad dreams about our wedding day. I had to walk on cushions covered with blankets to get to the altar, I was bleached blonde and had super bad hair day which my sister just clipped at two sides with some kiddy hairclip, my dad gave me away wearing a singlet and towel wrapped over his waist. Then I had another dream today about my make up artist showing up late plus she was taking her own sweet time doing the hair, daddy John asked the guest to start with dinner first, and by the time my guests had finish and started driving off in their cars, I haven't even finished with make up yet. It was horrible! Thank goodness this is all a dream~ *sweats*

Maybe too much wedding / bridal research....time to chill now *skips off to lunch*

Life back in KL...

Late last month, just before I moved back, everything was fast forward.

I barely had time to pack up and every day I had someone to meet and bid my goodbyes in Singapore. But the moment I came home to KL, almost everything came to a slow pace crawl. Just like the traffic jams here...

Nic is constantly working and very busy too. My close friends share similar working hours and have their own boyfriends and family to go home to. Thank goodness my mom's home with me. The only problem is, I constantly have to 'fight' for her attention with Charrise (the little girl she babysits).

Life is as chilling as anyone could ask for....but its really no fun when you've got no one to share it with...

Fast forward July

Life seems to be in a fast forward mode right now.

I blogged last month, about wanting to resign and packing up to move back to KL. Here I am, already free as a bird, packing to move back to KL. I actually thought I would write about how anxious or excited I felt about quitting or how much I'm gonna miss my job, and everything here in Singapore. But each time, the word and the feelings jumble into one big lump of nothing, and I end up just doing something else to not think about it.

Five days has passed since my last work day. I have calmly went to return my staff pass and all my other company's belongings the following day. I felt a little unsure, a little light headed, a little nervous, a little relief, a little of everything mixed up. It was kinda overwhelming. I came home, didn't feel like talking or doing anything at all. Went out to meet up with friends, and that is exactly what I have been doing for the past few days.

So it hasn't exactly settled in. The feeling that I am no longer employed.

Maybe it might take a few weeks...a month...or even a few months...

Right now, I just wanna enjoy the time I have...

Note: By the way, to those who has been following me on blogspot, thanx for the support. I seem to be having problems with posting a reply in the comments section. Appreciate all the encouragement out there.

The BIG decision

Since the proposal in February, there has been lots of fast moving moments, dodging the ball moments, new ideas in consideration moments, we'll handle that tomorrow moments, and now...one big leap moment.

I have been endlessly talking about leaving my job since the day that I started here in Singapore. And finally now I will be resigning to start again, back in Malaysia (but I haven't actually tender my resignation yet). Its almost unbelievable and came a little faster than I expected. But now that its finally sinking in, I can't wait for this new adventure to start.

Needless to say, I totally need a break now to start planning wedding stuff. Something that Nic and I have conveniently avoided cause we are working in Singapore. Its super tough to organize things from another country. I seriously don't know how Chee Eng and Mei See did it. Or maybe I wasn't putting enough effort and dedication in....yet...

The important thing for me now is to super organize my stuff over here so I can go back without worrying about things over here. I keep staring at my room and don't even know where I should start packing. *sigh*

I'm gonna miss a lot of things here...and people...and my personal space...

I sometimes wonder...

what goes on in each person's mind?

how can people be so different and still be friends?

why some people are only concern about their own thoughts and can care less about yours?

why do we expect certain things out of certain people?

why do I always have to care about details?

when can this uncomfortable feeling go away?

why do I even bother?

Arrghhh!! I'm being spammed!

Someone is seriously spamming my blog. I've got a comment on every single entry and its not even a comment. Its some freakishly long advertisement on bag selling!!! I don't do free advertisement! Plus, I can't seem to leave comments on my own blog entry anymore! How how how? Help~ Someone please tell me what I can do...

I'm melting~

Its so freaking hot today! I'm melting in my skin. I'm wearing the skimpiest of all clothing I have cause nobody's home. But it really ain't helping! My shorts are like sticking to my skin and my top is just so uncomfortable. I can't even lean into the sofa cause its so hot!

I shall think about something else to distract myself. Like a super cold drink and super cold salad, ice cream and penguins and igloo and the north pole...Who am I kidding! That is so not gonna work either.

I've even got my arms sticking out at my sides just so I get better ventilation at *ahem* certain areas. I should just switch on the air conditioning and chill down. But I'm thinking that is so bad for the environment..(why do I even think of things like that) Sigh~

I'll step into the shower to 'cool' myself now...

Salad Topple :(

Can't believe I spent so much effort cutting up vegetables and cooking chicken preparing for my dinner and its all gone to waste. I was so craving for salad today and decided to make some for dinner. Woke up and was getting myself a drink. Carelessly took the tupperware out of the fridge and before I even manage to place it on the counter top, the whole thing crashed to the floor! OMG~

You can't believe the frustration going on in my mind. Waste of time, waste of money and no dinner.

Sadedooss~

Blank Space Blank Space

Wanted to blog so much.
But all I could think of is...

Blank space blank space blank blank blank...

Can't believe I came back from work yesterday and decided to maintain going London instead of taking a well deserved off day. Sigh~

Hopefully my plans of having a picnic with the Changs will succeed this time around. Pray for a nice sunny day!

My State of Mind

New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothin' you can't do
Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Let's hear it for New York, New York,
New York~

Empire State of Mind - Alicia Keys

I'm in the big bad city and its been raining the past two days and especially heavy this morning. Had waffles with ham, skim milk and half a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast this morning. Mmm~ But I miss the corned beef hash I had yesterday.

Its so difficult to go shopping trying to manage traffic, umbrella, bags of shopping and dodging in and out of shops along Soho. Fitting rooms are another crazy headache. Queuing, the endless thick clothing I have to peel off to try on the size, not mentioning the boots and all. Only managed to get two skirts.

Would've loved to go Times Square that one last time, maybe walk to Rockefeller and just take in some air. Too bad the weather isn't agreeing with me. Would've like to watch a musical or maybe go to a museum. Some people would probably say why let the weather dictate what you want to do. But seriously, its sucky weather...

I'm halfway home...

Happy birthday my sayang~

I want to grow old like that....

This photo was taken when Nic and I was in Changi Airport waiting to depart for Greece.

5 Degrees

Its cold in London. Brrr~ I think its about 5 degrees.

I was called to fly London on the 4th March, which was exactly the date (last month) that Nic proposed. When I arrived yesterday, I was half expecting the weird people, the package, the note, and my baby surprising me. If he were here, we would have had breakfast with Mandy and sister, and right about now, we would be taking a bus to Westfield.

I miss YOU.

Wish YOU were here to keep me warm.

I Do. I Do.

I am in London right now. Just sent Nic off at High Street Kensington tube station.

*mixed feelings* sad and happy...

So many things happened in the span of two weeks.

Was stressing out about going for a holiday in Greece with Nic. Had quite an adventure being in a foreign country, trying to adapt to the freaky cold weather, trying not to go crazy with each other's living habits, trying to stay sane with long hour flights and transits in between. A memorable one.

Rushed back to KL to attend Chee Eng's wedding. Managed to change for extra off days to stay on (otherwise I would've gone crazy with jetlags and different weather conditions). Rushed back to Singapore for work. Left for London with a heavy heart cause my holiday ended and Nic was back in Malaysia, which felt so far away.

Little did I know, when I reached London, Nic was here too. Scheming with a whole bunch of people to surprise me. He sent me a package with 'our' book in it. Wrote a little note that made me cry buckets cause I missed him so much. Then I almost choked on my tears when I saw "get changed and meet me downstairs..." *OMG* I was stunned, panic, excited, not sure what I was feeling at the moment. Called him, but he refused to answer my call. Texted him "Bb where are u?" and received a reply "waiting for you..."

I was so blur after a long long flight, I almost contemplated to take a shower before I actually knew what was happening. I hurriedly changed and went down to the lobby looking less than gorgeous. I was so 'kan cheong' in the lift, didn't quite know how to respond or what else to expect.

Lift door opened. Nic was standing in the lobby. He saw me, shouted for someone to start recording, and presented me with flowers. 3 bouquets. White, red, pink roses. I gave him a big hug, started crying and he got down on one knee. *OMG* I couldn't believe it. He started talking about our Greece trip, a whole lot of other things, (I don't think I could remember every word cause I was super dazed) then he said something about finding our 15 degrees, and asked me to marry him. *melted into a pile of butter*

Never ever expected that I would see him overseas when I'm at work, yet alone London. I always said 'wish he was here', and this time, it came true. How sweet can that be? I truly love him and the crazy things he does for me.

Thank you sayang. I miss you already.

Thank you Mary and Jerry for helping him plan such a sweet surprise. I will never ever forget :)

Holiday Jitters

The past week has been hectic. Trying to swap for off days all the time. Its not funny. My eyes are going crazy just looking at the computer screen. My nerves are going bonkers waiting for people's text reply. But its all been working out well...at this point at least...I hope...

Tomorrow's the big day. Nic and I are finally going to Kea Island, Greece, for our long planned holiday. We're getting pretty nervous cause its our first trip going so far overseas together. We've only been Bali once and Phuket with his friends but apart from that, we've never gone so far - Europe to say the least. Feels like an adventure altogether.

I can't even say I'm half packed. I need my bag for work tonight and can only do the rest of packing tomorrow. So hopefully I don't freak out. I've been trained for this. Packing and unpacking is like one of the things I've learnt in 5 and half years. I should be able to do it even with some pressure right? I'm sure even with blindfolds I can. *looks uncertain*

Tomorrow onwards will be crazy schedule for me. I need to pray that I don't fall sick in the midst of that holiday, attending wedding, back to work, holiday, chinese new year, back to work again thing.

I guess I should start resting this minute and every second I can prior to tomorrow!!! Arrgghhh~ Feeling all loony again!!!

*stress stress stress*

Crossroads

In the recent weeks, I've spoke to at least more than 10 people about changing jobs. Its always different how upbringing, character and commitments shine through each individual when they share their thoughts with you. You can tell right away how these individuals prioritize their lives. They shared with me their experiences, same and different worries for the future.

But even with the many conversations I had, I have not managed to come to any decisions. In fact, I'm only getting more and more confused not knowing which path I should embark on. I do not know if I have that many worries or if I am simply not brave enough to take that leap or am I just making excuses for myself so that I don't have to leave my comfort zone.

The truth is, this is not the first. I've had this conversation with myself more than once. I've got full support from my loved ones, but I don't want to just quit and end up in another shit hole. How would I know if I'm gonna be used to normal working hours? Will I be able to travel back to KL as often? Can I adapt to the different working environment? Will I like what I do?

What should I do now?

Right now, I should go and catch some winks. Will I know what to do after I wake up? Hopefully...