About Being Hopeful...

When I first created this blog, I thought for the longest time what I wanted to do with it. Should I write about traveling, should I write about food, should I write about all aspects of my life. Then I thought about how lonely I was, how negative I was at that point, and how badly I wanted a change. So I named this blog imhopeful. To remind me that I can be hopeful, I can hope for things, I can be positive.

I hung on tightly to those words. I am hopeful. Even more so recently.

I've been super emotional during the past weeks. Trying to fight all evil residing in my head. The things I actually thought about, I am so ashamed that it even crossed my mind. But that's what happens when you let your emotions control your being. Mind over body. Even when you think you have it mentally under control, it creeps into your subconscious and takes over your dreams.

Some shit happened. Cause and effect on my loved ones, including myself. It was one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Even all the CNY goodies couldn't console me.

I am glad we sat down and had a talk about it. I am glad someone sat me down and talked to me about it. I am glad everyone talked. I want to be hopeful with things again...

Thank YOU for giving me support all the time. I know I've been difficult. We've finally past a two year mark (following YOUR calculations). There will be many more to come...

Toxic Friends

Just end of last year, I came across an article in a magazine listing out types of toxic friends people may have in life. There were a few catogeries which I can barely recall, but it compromised some that were jealous, some that had negative emotions, some that backstabbed and a few others. In short, friends that were not exactly healthy for us, mentally and emotionally, were classified as toxic friends. The article even had a column on how you should get rid of those with extreme tendencies of being toxic.

Before I came across that article, I've always had a different perception to what a toxic friend meant. Mainly because Nic told me he has a toxic friend. What they do is, they share all their toxic in life. All the crappy emotions and crappy moments. Basically crappy talk, dishing out all the toxic they felt towards their life. This toxic friend was there to listen out all the crap and they would help each other heal, motivate one another to carry on with life.

Toxic.

One word, two ways to be used.

I know for sure what kinda toxic friends I have. God help me please if I die of intoxication...

Look Around You...

I was just lazing around in bed, waiting for my red nails to dry...

I looked around my room and realised the number of things I meant to do but haven't gotten to it yet. There are specks of dust to be wiped off, there are clothes to be re-arranged, there are things to be organized, junk to be thrown out...yes my room is kinda in a mess. I wonder how am I gonna move these things back to KL when I really move out for good. And to think that I came here only with a medium sized luggage bag.

My digital photo frame is playing on its auto mode (and YOU say I don't use it). The photos have all been jumbled up in sequence since the last time Nic added some new pictures to it. I prefer it to be sequence cause it has some meaning to it. Photos bring back so many memories doesn't it? Reminds me of my initial stepping into a relationship with Nic. Reminds me of my Phuket holiday with the weirdest group combination. Reminds me of my much missed family times.

Outside my room was my housemate, Mandy. Sitting in the living room, channel surfing and occasionally walking into her room, web surfing on her laptop. At least, that is what I see and assume. Its weird how a person I've been living with for the past four years can be so distant at times...at most times...

Oh crap...I just realised the time too...its 11.30PM...I'm way past my promised bedtime. Sorry YOU. I got carried away...

Goodnite...