Bugging Thoughts

There's been plenty bugging my thoughts recently. Its a little personal, I can't blog about it. So I sit and stare at the blank page for quite a while. My thoughts are messed up, worse than the pasta I cooked. I wish there was a proper way to communicate my feelings to my loved ones. A proper way to tell them the things bothering me, without them jumping to conclusions and making unnecessary assumptions.

Everything I say may not come out right. Especially not when I'm trying to cry and talk at the same time. My multi-tasking skills do not work that way. I can't even concentrate or focus on topics when I'm getting panicky on making people understand me. It gets worse when there is a long silence or faked attention given to me.

I wish I could ease people's worries and add them to my own. Sometimes suffering alone is better than suffering together.

Heart Decisions...

It's difficult when you've gotta choose between two.

Heart No.1: Baby Charrise

This little baby has been my mom's past time since I left KL. My mom baby sits her five days a week while her parents are away at work. She's turning two next month. Everyone in my family loves and adores her dearly. We're sometimes so obsessed with her, we pretend that she's around even when she's not.

Heart No.2: Furby


This shitzu puppy has just joined the family a few days ago. My sis got her as a birthday present from a friend. Although Furby is new to us, she is cute and a good pup in comparison to other dogs. The little thing hardly barks and is so 'manja' with almost anyone. I'm quite terrified of dogs, but I really gotta give in to this one...

Now...the dilemma...

The baby's parent's are not so keen on sending their daughter over anymore since we have a dog in the house. Its quite understandable from a parent's point of view. So now my poor sis feels bad since she is quite attached to Baby Charrise but also loves dogs (and had been waiting to get one since many years back). She is thinking of selling Furby so that we can still see Baby Charrise.

I think its tragic. Either way....it is gonna be tragic....*Haih~*

Happy Birthday Sis~

Since its not over yet...let me wish you again...

Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!

I did some calculations and realised you just turned, what? 19 years old? *Pause* Shit...I hate you. You are not even 21 yet...Sometimes you just appear more mature than me. Hahahahah....

Anyway, your birthday just lead me to recall the time I was visiting you and mom at the hospital when you were given birth. Of course, my memory fails me tremendously in some matters, so I can only recall the pictures we took. Me, carrying the tiny you, posing for a pic. You can look that up in your photo album. I was wearing a white top with a red skirt. Yah...red...skirt...*bleh*

When you first came into the world, I was still trying to learn the meaning of the word 'share'. Then you started crawling, and baby talking, and yadda yadda yadda, I had to adapt to the meanings of 'losing' and 'giving in'. What do you expect? I was pampered for five years, everything to myself. I loved the alone time with all my toys and all the adult adoration. You were an evil attention grabber! So sien~

But its good to have sister company these days. Didn't waste time in all the sibling rivalry. It was good investment that brought us closer together I reckon. No? *Grin*

Anyway, like always....nag nag nag nag nag nag nag...*pause*...nag nag nag nag nag nag.... *pause* nag nag nag...Oh well...you should know what I wanna say. Just take care and don't let us worry too much bout you. Have a good one!! ^.^\/

When You Tear...

It means you miss someone.

I'm missing so many people right now I can't sleep. I wish....

I could hug my mom now.
my dad would tell me he loves me.
my sis would kacau me right now.
things could go back the same with my brother.
I could talk to Karen right now.
I could hear Yeemai's laughter.
Yap would bring me and Serena on a car ride now.
Yeh Yeh would start a emoticon war with me on MSN.
Adelaide was here to tell me 'watever'.
Ebel would pat my back and tell me everything will be OK.

This could go on and on. But I think I should stop before I start missing more.

*wipes a tear away and reluctantly goes to bed*

When You Tear...

It means you are hurt.

I read an uncalled for message from a friend on Friendster earlier today. I teared...cause I was hurt. Hurt because of the things he said about me. About how I 'misunderstood' some people's intentions and stuff. About how I don't understand certain situations because I never put myself in their shoes.

I'm sorry that he feels that way.

I'm not bragging that I am always considerate for others. But I think, I sometimes try too hard to put myself in people's position, till I put myself in a spot. I'm a sensitive girl, (though I hate to admit that most of the time) I emo a lot. Just because you think you know me, doesn't mean you know me well. I'm disappointed that being true to friends does not always mean that you're the same to them. Sometimes its a one way traffic.

Its a shame that my views on certain issues angered him to think of me as a selfish and inconsiderate freak. Yes, the message was between you and me, which is why you might never understand how I feel.

Short Update

Have been feeling vast emotions lately. I don't think it has anything to do with PMS. Just got lots going on in my mind at current.

Right at this moment I'm feeling pretty empty. Like I don't know what I'm contributing to life exactly. It feels like I can't seem to pick myself up from the ground. Days are passing kinda fast too.

Can't think properly now to write anything decent. I can feel a whole load of stuff going thru my brains but none of it actually standing out or sitting in. Starting to feel like the back of my head is being pounded profusely. I think I'll continue here when I feel less shitty.

Loss for Words

I have like tonnes of stuff I'd like to let out. But I can't. Not entirely because I don't know how to. But more like because I can't let it out. Cause its too personal. Its irritating the hell out of me. I have no idea how I'm gonna think this over or come to terms with the matter. *looks up for help* Please tell me what to do....

* lets out the longest sigh ever.....*