Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ushering in 2010

I'm leaving for Bombay tonight. As always, I will end up missing a countdown with my friends and family. Not that my friends will be around. But still...

This year has gone by extremely fast. I can still remember what happened 1st Jan 09 and in a few days time it would have been 365 days past and into 1st Jan 2010? Wow...

I wonder what is installed in the year to come? I've got so many things I'm looking forward to. Probably a new job? Maybe moving in with Nic? Buying a property? Some investments?

But everything still feels uncertain. Just hope I'm not stuck here writing about the same things 365 days after this....

Happy New 2010 Year!

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Flu Bug...kind off...

I haven't blogged in the longest time.
Was busy watching my TVB dramas online, until I accidently catched a whole load of viruses on my computer. Sigh. Why am I not surprised. Should have learnt from my mistake the last time my laptop crashed.
Now I can switch on my laptop, but it takes centuries to load, and when it finally does, I can't connect to the internet. Brilliant.
I'm typing this blog from the comfort of a hotel room in Beijing. I can use the TV screen to connect to internet explorer and that is exactly what I'm doing right now. So it means I'm looking at my blog page the size of a huge ass TV! How cool is that?
But I still gotta get that lappie fixed. *sad face*

Friday, November 13, 2009

On the things I used to love...



Just about a week ago, I went with Nic to watch Michael Jackson's 'This Is It'. It was quite awesome, giving he was already in his fifties, still rocking, moon walking, billy jean-ing, and singing his heart out. It must have been really sad for the whole team, losing him and not being able to perform after all the effort they put into practice. I almost teared when the credits started rolling...


Watching the making of his concert reminded me of how I used to be crazy over Faye Wong (MJ is Nic's idol and Faye Wong's mine). I can't remember how I started to be so fanatic over a singer, but I remember borrowing one of her casette tapes from my cousin and the rest was history. I started cutting her pictures out from magazines and papers, I watched and recorded her every special appearance on television. The hype went on for quite a while.

I attended her concert twice in Malaysia. I still have the tickets, laminated and kept like a secret treasure in one of my locked drawers (although its not really locked). It was quite an experience growing up idolising her. Not everyone around me is a fan of Faye you know, so sometimes when bad or negative things are said about her, I become very defensive.

With the different friends I had, I obviously supported other singers and attended other concerts too. But its interesting how I grew out of these things. I just slowly drifted away from being such a fan. I mean, I used to fall asleep listening to her songs. I use to treat her posters like it was framed with gold.

Now that I look back and think about it, I would find some of the things I did silly and amusing. But I don't think I'd ever regret, cause it was all in good fun. I still like Faye Wong very much. I applaud her attitude and talent. She came out of the Shirley Wong 'shell' and made sure she had a say in making her own music. She made a name for herself by insisting on her ways. She's almost like my version of a female chinese MJ. You have to see her perform live, she sings so effortlessly its just unbelievable.

I would so love to attend another one of her concerts. In time to come...

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Gloominess.Being Fickle.

Its been pouring the whole day. Off and on, off and on again.

So much has been on my mind lately. Yet, when I sit in front of my laptop, the computer screen stares back at me, blankly. My mind conversations just don't seem to translate into blog time, if that makes any sense at all.

Lately, my mind has been really fickle. I think part of me has always been like that. But it seems to be getting more and more severe recently. Have I always been this difficult? I can spend 10 minutes just picking two apples in a supermarket when 10 people have probably walked past me with 5 apples each in their baskets. I always end up ordering last at a restaurant cause I just can't seem to choose and decide on what I want for lunch or dinner, and most times even after I've placed my order, I'd still look at the menu and wonder if I picked the right thing to eat.

Ok. I can hear Nic start to panic now. *smiles* I'm sure I picked the right guy. We're talking about a different topic here ok?

Am I just being lazy and dependent on others to decide for me? Well of course there are days when I'm just too dominant for my own good I want to decide everything for myself. But its been a long time since I saw those days. What has happened?

I hope its just a passing phase. Maybe I just need to de-clutter my room and brain for more simple storage space and proper organization in life.

Friday, October 30, 2009

The Month of October

I can't believe it. October is already at its end. I think I've only slept in my own bed twice this month. I was overseas for a good 10 days, return home to pack unpack and took a bus back to KL to attend Eric and Jennifer's wedding, back to Singapore, pack unpack and now I'm halfway through my 'unintended' journey in L.A. and will by the time I'm back in Singapore, it'll be two days past November...already...

Its been quite tough.

Adjusting to Nic's new shift was tough. Having a super roster is tough. Earning big bucks will always make you lose the more important things. Like having time to spend with a loved one, yet alone loved one-S.

The only consolation I've had this time around is watching Lipstick Jungle. I can't believe I'm hooked on it like how I am with my chinese dramas. But the title is pretty tacky. I'm sure they could've come up with something fancier or more relevant to the gist of the story. Hmmm...

I can't wait to get home. Its been cold and lonely being out here alone. I've had enough of living out of a suitcase.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Talent - time

Last month or so, when I was back in KL, my sister and I was watching TV. There were some beauty pageants singing, dancing, acting, drawing, giving their all, trying to impress a panel of judges with their so called 'talent'. My sister casually asked me,

"Does everyone have a talent?"

I didn't quite gave it a moment of thought and answered almost immediately,

"Yes, I believe everyone is talented in some way."

Then she turned and looked at me, this time a little bit more serious,

"Do you know what is YOUR talent?"

I was dumbfounded for a while...

"Well, I suppose...." Then I drifted into my own thoughts trying to pry the insides of my brain for any talent cells...or none at all.

She proceeded to break my silence and asked,

"What about me? Do you think I have a talent? Do you know what MY talent is?"

She sounded hopeful, wishing I had a certain answer to confirm this very important question of hers.

I don't think I did have an answer for her at the end. Ever since we had that conversation, we're still trying to figure out our talents. Its probably easier to identify a talent when its as obvious as drawing, dancing, singing, cooking, sewing or something along those lines. But what if you are Jack / Jill of all trades and a master of none? Does that mean you have no talent? What defines talent?

So, while I'm still trying to figure out mine, do you know YOURS yet?

Tell me about it...

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Conversations with 'Superman'~



Nic happened to be wearing this T-shirt today (a gift from his mommy for this year's birthday). We were waiting for the MRT and I just had to ask him some questions.

Me : Hi Superman! Describe your job scope.

Nic : Saving good people from evil. Saving the world.

Me : Define the word world.

Nic : Singapore.


Me : Wow~ Your world is small. How do you travel when you have to save people?


Nic : I take bus or MRT.

Me : HAHAHAH~ What if the MRT or bus breaks down?


Nic : Then I ignore the call.


Me : You are lousy. Then why do you call yourself 'Superman'?

Nic : Cause of my OUTFIT *said a matter of factly with a smug grin*

Me : HAHAHA...what a joker my boyfriend....

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Suck-er Up-pers!

I hate people who suck up. I mean they must be intelligent and all, trying to rub the right people the right way. But people around them are not stupid too. We can see that they do that. And sometimes, when its so obvious...its annoying.

It annoys me even more when people 'use' me to make themselves look good. Crap shit crap ass crap shit-ass person. It also doesn't help when they are ten times lazier, super busy body, motor-mouth bullshit and just pure fake face.

Get a life! Cause I hate how yours is eating up into my space!

What happened to September?

I can't believe its almost end of September.
Where did it go?


Monday, September 07, 2009

Cutting Bread

Its difficult to hate bread when you always have craving for sandwiches, curry with bread, soup with bread, plain bread with balsamic and olive oil, garlic bread, toast bread, jam with bread, sausage bun, potato bread, banana walnut bread, raisin bread...you name it, I most probably will like it.

The other day, that day, that one day alone, I had a cheese and ham sandwich about 3am, then I had a super soft buttery raisin bread at 8am...then realised I couldn't resist and had another one. Then about 12.30pm, I had another of that raisin bread...and felt that I had too much bread for the day.

I thought about how bread can make you fat. Seriously.

I used to have bread for breakfast almost everyday when I was growing up. I'd eat it with the weirdest combination of spreads just so I won't get bored of bread. Of course there was the usual bread with butter, jam, kaya, nutella, peanut butter. But I also like to spread it with condensed milk and milo, sambal prawn, pork floss, mayo and tomato ketchup...yeah, I was pretty adventurous with the spreads. I don't just have bread for breakfast, but mommy would pack two pieces for my recess in school (only up till primary 5 I think). Occasionally I would get a treat like ham, egg, sausages, bacon or even chicken curry to eat with my bread. Mmm~

Then I remember during college, when we always rush for assignments, we would go Meidi-Ya (the bakery opposite Taylor's) and grab some tuna sandwich or some buns for a quick bite. And when I was working in Mid-Valley, I wanted to save some money so I ended up buying those pizza bread kinda thingy from Jusco cause they always had some buy 2 free 1 promotion. I had this theory that if I had a few bites and drank some water, eventually the bread will 'kembang' and fill my tummy then I won't be hungry.

I still eat lots of bread now, but probably I'm less aware of it until that 'one day'. Now I'm conciously avoiding bread, trying to pick up a wrap, salad or fruit instead of buying a sandwich. I even had one whole box of strawberries for dinner yesterday, just to avoid buying a sandwich. But I love sandwiches...*sigh*

I guess I'll just have to train myself not to gorge too much on bread. It is after all a type of carbo. Dangerous carbo...cause its more delicious than rice...yummy~

Monday, August 31, 2009

My mommy says...

you please stay MUTE and rest your voice.

I croaked a laugh (if that is possible).

I lost my voice and just visited the doctor. I text my mom to let her know that I was alright and doctor advised me to rest my voice for a few days. And my mom is such a cartoon. Ask me to stay mute and rest my voice...indeed!

Anyway, I will be really quiet. Nobody is at home. And my boyfriend's working till midnight. I have nobody to talk to. I'm just coughing my lungs out occasionally. I accidentally bought chicken to cook for dinner. Apparently when coughing, you're not suppose to eat chicken. I really didn't know that until I was staying out with my housemates.

Oh well, its chicken for dinner...or hunger strike then...

*puts both hands up to vote for chicken*

Friday, August 28, 2009

Pitter Patter~

I like the pitter patter sound.

Usually you hear that when it rains heavily, against your glass windows. Or when a little toddler is learning their walk on a squeaky clean floor. But the one I'm referring to, is the pitter patter on my keyboard. When I type real fast on my laptop.


I don't know why, but somehow it gives me a really nice feeling. Like I'm doing something big, something good. I like it. It gives me a sense of fulfillment. I feel like some intern writing for a magazine. I feel like I am typing really important emails, that will bring me some big bucks. I feel like Sarah Jessica Parker and her character Carrie in Sex In The City. I feel awesome when I'm typing.


I used to play typer shark on yahoo games when I was in college. It was quite fun. But that is speed typing. Without thinking. Not my favourite kind of typing. I love sending emails to Nic. He appreciates every word I put in, even though I sometimes sound nonsencical, or write rubbish. *happy sigh* You only need one person to appreciate the things you write to make your day. Really. But of course, when I'm writing a blog, a few more dozen of people wouldn't hurt.

Can I help you write something?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

About doing nothing

I just had a full day of probably doing nothing.

Well, not really.
I wrote a to-do list some time ago, and I've been keeping that up ever since. I add and cancel things to do, which is a great way to remind me of things I've been putting aside for months. I managed to cancel a few items off the list (although not exactly all are done today) which I think is quite a good progress.

Then I stare at the list and realise there are some things I can do tomorrow. Then I close it and watch TV instead. Then I open the list and add a few more things to it. Then I stare at the list and feel that I can do those another day, then I close it and sit around for a bit. Then I open the list...and the whole cycle probably continues for a few good times or so.


I mopped the house again today. I washed some clothes. I cooked a simple lunch. I watched 'Shopaholic'.

Maybe I wouldn't say I didn't do nothing today. I did do some things....

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

S-P-A-C-I-N-G

I don't know if its the headache, the grogginess from insufficient sleep, just being pure tired, or not spending enough time with boyfriend, I feel like i'm not doing anything but just spacing out.

I keep walking in and out of my room, in and out of the kitchen, to and fro from the living room. Don't know what is going through my mind.

Lost in space.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Johannesburg in a different light...




Its amazing how different one place can be in two different visits.

Its amazing how one left you feeling awful, wishing you were home, and everything nice just doesn't seem to interest you.

Its amazing how the other just feels fun, even if there isn't anything to do, but just sitting there with two laptops, doing our own separate things.

Its amazing how an awful fall out with a housemate would actually patch up.

Its amazing that we are here in Johannesburg together, right now.

Its amazing how things turn out when you put your heart to it.

Its just amazing how Johannesburg is in a different light today....

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

ZZzzz~

I can't believe I'm still tired after a 3 hour nap in the afternoon...
How am I gonna survive work later...

*sigh*

Monday, August 03, 2009

What makes your holiday?

I was looking through heaps of photos on my laptop and wondered to myself, which of those getaways were memorable to me. What made them memorable? The place? The people? The things I did? The shopping?

For me, its the people I travel with that makes the whole holiday super. The place will come in second, followed by the things we do and the shopping if any. People would probably say that my job is a holiday itself every time I stop over in different countries. But those don't really count, cause my loved ones are not there with me.

I have had some memorable holidays which plays in my mind ever so often especially during the days I wish I could just be on never ending leave and go for a super chill out time. The Bali trip I had with Nic is unforgettable cause it was my first time traveling with boyfriend with no adult supervision. Haha~ No. Really. The unforgettable part was learning each other's weird travel habits, staying up whole night swatting mozzies, peanut throwing competition, almost drowning moment, the fantastic dinner we had at Warung Sate, the sing-a-long session at the beach side under the stars and the whole entire journey we had together.

Then I remember the first trip I had with my 'lepakhere' friends. Port Dickson. The first ever trip with friends. I was so excited, even though it was just PD. I remember the girls sleeping in the room together, and the guys were mostly in sleeping bags or sleeping on sofa in the living room. We had an awesome time getting lost while driving, BBQ dinner, kayak-ing, and just enjoying each other's company.

Then there was that trip to Langkawi with my college friends. We took so many photos and had so much fun posing and planning poses for each. I will never forget the kayak-ing moment. I was paired with Yeemai and we felt like we were never gonna make it back. We kayak-ed with all our mights, with eyes closed (cause it was raining and the waves were choppy) only to realise that we never moved an inch and was probably going backwards. We keep telling each other how we didn't wanna die out there and we were so young and had so many things to do. Oh..and by the way, if you didn't already know, I can't swim. Yeemai can't either.

My most recent trip was last year, to Phuket with a weird combination of friends. There was Nic, my housemate Mandy, Nic's good friend Jerry and Nelsen, Nelsen's girlfriend Elaine, and Jerry's good friend Ivan. Everyone sort of knew one person or another, but some of us met only when we departed for the trip. It was an unexpectedly pleasant trip.

Of course I had memorable trips with my family as well. The endless travels in the car with sing-a-long songs, the many arguements we had, the stress we had to endure packing and unpacking together, and the many times we entertained ourselves silly just by being together as a family. There was one time when we were trying to warm up our teochew language before meeting our grandmother, we were literally translating mandarin songs word for word to teochew. That was absolutely funny and we laughed ourselves silly. But I think I remember most the time we had a short stay in Rasa Sayang Shangrila in Penang. The stay was awesome, not to mention the swimming pool.

I need to go for another holiday. With Nic. We are unable to decide where. It isn't so important to me where we choose to go, cause I only really need him to be there to make my holiday. But at the moment, we can't even decide on a place to go. So we can't plan anything yet. I hope we decide soon...so we can have something to look forward to.

Any suggestions anyone?

Saturday, August 01, 2009

I wanna quit....

You know sometimes you get this naggy feeling. This super lazy, uncomfortable feeling towards work? Then you think, its about time I moved on....

I'm having one of this moments again.

But the sad thing is, like some people, I'd just talk about it, be de-motivated about it, be sad about it, be negative about it, be depressed about it, but I'd never actually do anything about it. Its horrible. Cause its like a curse that never ends.

Nic asked me, "What happened to the girl he first met? The one full of confidence and dreams, especially with the things she loves to do." I really don't know what happened. Maybe when I was younger, I wanted to prove people wrong, I wanted to outdo myself so people won't look at me as a weakling.

I remember being so adament on taking up the part-time writing job in Astro. I thought that was the road to my ambitions. I thought that would bring me places. And because it was so out of the way, I insisted on buying my own car. And just to pay off the car monthly installment, I worked 7 days a week, sometimes 2 jobs a day. But I was good. I survived. It was hard work, but I wanted it. I choosed it.

Coming over to Singapore to work was probably the biggest leap I took. But it was good. It opened up my world. It showed me things I wouldn't have known if I stayed on in Malaysia. I learned alot about people, about life, about responsibilities. But responsibilities come in so many different forms. I think I might have taken a little more than I expected to.

What do I do now? What should be my next move?

I need to summon all the courage I can from within to decide what I should do next. Wish me luck....*fingers crossed*

Friday, July 24, 2009

I.M.S.A.D.

I think I've had too much time away from work. I haven't exactly been on a holiday, but I have been OFF and NOT working. I was back in KL at least twice in last month. Then just last week, sis was here. Spent almost everyday going out, shopping, window shopping, eating good food, chilling, playing Wii, playing spot the difference, and staying up late.

Now I'm back at work. Work sucks. Being away from home sucks. Not being with loved ones suck. No boyfriend to pamper me sucks.

I'm having a severe flu too. My skin around the nose feels like its peeling already. So painful.

I'm having a bad jetlag too....

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Conversations With Ni Ke Le

I suddenly remembered this one day when I was at Serangoon Gardens bus stop talking to Nic. He suddenly said a fruit name in mandarin and we started this...

Me: Baby? How many fruits do you actually know in mandarin? Do you know what is 'xiang jiao'?
Nic: Banana?
Me: Good. Now I test you others. Mmmm...I say a fruit and you tell me what is it in mandarin ok?
Nic: OK *eager smile*
Me: What is strawberry?
Nic: *thinks real hard* ermm...I duno.
Me: Its called 'sui mi tao' (I was totally wrong. 'sui mi tao' = peach. Corrected him later)What about durian?
Nic: I know! 'lui lian'.
Me: So clever. *beams with pride* Erm...what about orange?
Nic: *pause for a long while* I know I know!! Its called 'O-LIN'!!!
Me: Baby!! *laughs out loud* Orange is not O-LIN. Orange is 'CHEN'. Where did you learn that from?
Nic: But all those aunty aunty all pronounce it that way.
Me: That is their english version of orange la sayang....
Nic: HAhahah :-)

Such a cutie la...

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Last of my annual leave - Day Ten (LAST)

OMG...

I can't believe I had ten days off.
Not working.

OMG....

And I was so lazy, I keep putting off the things I want to do today, for tomorrow, and tomorrow comes, I have more things to do, and I put it off till tomorrow, and tomorrow comes and the whole process repeats itself again.

Actually, after Day Four, I had quite eventful activities. And there were loads of photos I took for blogging purposes, but the moment is gone....I'm too lazy now.

Day Five - I had house warming and mini-early-birthday-surprise at Karen and TC's place.
Day Six - I had breakfast with family and left to come back Singapore.
Day Seven - I had to renew my U.S. Visa.
Day Eight - Met up with Karine for early birthday treat.
Day Nine - Went to collect visa, got all dressy and had a surprise-early-by-one-day-birthday dinner with Nic and all my favourite friends.
Day Ten - Spent the whole day with my darling Nic cause he took off to purposely spend time with me on my birthday!

Yup. Today I turned 27. Not many twenties left for me....

I had great fun celebrating this year though. I love my family. I love Nic. I love all my friends too. Thanx to everyone for all the well wishes~

I'm back to work first thing in the early morning tomorrow. Hope I still remember how to work...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Last of my annual leave - Day Three

I haven't been anything much.

Woke up, had breakfast, went to visit Nic's mommy and little niece Hannah.

Now just sitting around replying my sis's MSN messages for her while she dictates.

Yesterday night was quite exciting. We had a mozzie competition. My mom, sis and me. The scores - Mom 1 - Sis 3 - Me 3.

Waahahahahaha~

I must be crazy.


Seven dead mozzies


I think I am going crazy....Too much free time and nobody to play with me...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Last of my annual leave - Day Two

I've totally finished my annual leave for this year. This is like my last batch of it. Right smack in the middle of the year. Middle of the year - ONLY. Damn. How am I gonna survive just on off days for the coming months till next year?

Didn't get to go anywhere this year for holiday. Screwed up the supposed holiday with Mandy. Mommy don't like the idea of traveling with the H1N1 influenza everywhere (more like she don't like the idea of leaving home with everyone unsupervised). Nic don't have any leave left till after July. Goody. *sigh*

So I'm back to feeding mozzies at home in KL. How super...

Me want a HOLIDAY SO BADLY....*pouts*

Monday, June 15, 2009

Day Three: I.M.I.N.N.Y.C.

Yupes~

I'm in New York City right now. Not one of my favourites cause I'm forever lost here. Can't make out which street is which, which avenue is which. The one time I finally get my bearings right, then we have to switch hotels. Oh well, but this hotel is so much more comfortable and I get free internet everyday. No complains I guess. Just go out and get lost.

But due to the H1N1 influenza, my family and loved ones have been excessively concern about my health. So, in order for them not to worry too much, I've been staying in most of the time. Just went out twice, to get food and water. Want to shop a little cause of the summer sales, but shopping is probably not the priority.

My sleeping time has been screwed too. I'm totally following Singapore timing here in NYC. Its 12 hours difference. I've been sleeping at NYC time 3pm and waking up at midnight each day. Thank goodness I'm leaving tonight. And now is probably about time I go and have my beauty nap.

Cheerios~

Friday, June 05, 2009

Its June already~

Its gloomy today in London.

I haven't been sleeping well the past few days. Keep waking up from weird dreams. Feeling so unrested after I open my eyes. Can't wait to return to my own bed in my own room. At least I know its perfectly comfortable there. Its kinda weird how attached you can be to a rented place you call home.

There has been so many unhappy things affecting people all around the world recently. The economic downturn, retrenchment, the H1N1 influenza, the missing Air France aircraft and so many others. I'm just mentioning these few because I feel more affected by these news. I never liked to watch news on tv or read them on the newspapers. Always unhappy stuff.

I have been busy transporting myself in and out of different countries recently. Not something I like, but if I don't do, I won't be earning anything. Friends and family have been quite worried about all the traveling I have to do. But seriously, every job has its job hazards.

Its already mid year. I can't believe how fast time flies. I'll probably be writing a similar blog entry in another few months and say its almost end of the year.

I want to play a board game.
I want to go for a trip.
I want to draw.
I want to spend a whole day doing nothing.

I want to be random before the year ends...

Saturday, May 30, 2009

My sad holiday...

What a crappy planned out holiday! You really never know when other things may just affect your normal life all of a sudden.

I have about a week's worth of days off and annual leave. Have been planning to go for a trip with Serena for ages (at least more than 2 years). We wanted to go Taiwan initially with Jern Hoh, but he couldn't make it, so we invited Pui Mun, and all was set. Then just when we were looking at the schedules and booking dates, Pui Mun backed out, couldn't go. So Serena and I decided to make it simple and go for a Hong Kong trip instead.

Some swine flu outbreak had to happen and one whole hotel of people got quarantined in Hong Kong, which freaked us out and we decided to cancel. So the last minute plan was for Serena to come over to Singapore and we just hang out and go shopping.

Just as I arrived in Singapore from London, day before our short holiday starts, I receive several sms regarding a confirmed case of swine flu in Singapore. The first. It had to be the same flight that my housemate came back from! Shites! I knew my holiday plans were all going down the drain...

So, just in case precaution (since my housemate was not asked to be quarantined), I had to change plans and go back to KL instead. We couldn't do any local holidays last minute. Its really too last minute, and we are two helpless girls who just wanna have fun...

We met with Jern Hoh for lunch, had a spa moment together and a long dinner together. I guess the important thing is to spend time together as friends, no matter where we are. But I just can't help feeling disappointed with the overseas part. Especially now, since I'm donating blood to the mozzies in my living room. I think I've fed them about 5 times at least in the last half hour.

Oh well...life's like that...

Friday, May 15, 2009

I've been thinking...

I'm suppose to be napping so I won't be zombie like at work tonight. But a phone call woke me up and now I can't fall back into sleep. My brains have been non-stop thinking and thinking even when I was just lazing in bed earlier on.

Sometimes I hate being the eldest in my family. The responsibility lies on you whether you like it or not. I'm tired. But I love my family. I want everyone to come together, good times or bad. I want everyone to have an open communication, so we won't have to go through big drama arguments everyday. I want so badly so many things to be good...God must think I'm selfish.

In another 2 months and I'll pass the 5 year mark of working in Singapore. What happened to 'I will quit after the 2 years bond'? What happened to 'I'm looking for a new job' (one and half years ago) ? What happened to being decisive and wanting to do new things for that matter? I'm afraid I'm sinking into the comfort zone. I'm really afraid. No kidding. I need to pull myself out of it...

I don't think I finished anything I started since the beginning of the year. What has happened to me?

I want a holiday badly. Can the holiday please come and look for me?

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Totally Unexpected...

I just got back from trip this morning. Was trying so hard to get Nic on the phone, but after several missed calls, I fell asleep in the attempt. I was woken up by a stranger on the phone telling me there was a delivery waiting outside my place, for me. I went to open the door, looking all groggy and sleepy....

Then I saw this...



I can't believe Nic bought me flowers! Out of the blue too~

I absolutely love the bouquet. But I love him more....

Thank you sayang for the lovely surprise~ *muacks*

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Gym Moments

I was never a fan of exercise. I used to tell people I live by the motto, "Eat first, think later". But after working, especially having to travel as often as I do, I realise that its important to take care. Recently, I've heard countless people ailing from cancer and numerous colleagues having difficulty to conceive. I wouldn't want to suffer from any unnecessary pain due to an unhealthy lifestyle.

I started taking on light exercise. I've some friends who started taking yoga classes and signing up for gym packages. So I started jogging around where I live, and taking on pilates class. Then I realise that I could make use of free access to gym whenever I'm overseas.

I don't really like the idea of those heavy machinery and having to exercise in a public area with a crowd. I feel intimidated. The thought of having to try and operate a machine, foreign to me, makes me shy and embarass. What if I pushed the wrong button? What if I put my feet on the part where my hands should be? What if I used this machine and developed muscles on my arm instead of toning them? Worries...

I still imagine those things could happen to me. Which is why I only use the threadmill and one other exercise machine. Do not be too ambitious. Simple does it. But I remember that one time when I was in Frankfurt and the freaking threadmill had German language all over it. Instead of increasing the speed on it, I was tipping the threadmill at a 45 degree angle. I tried to remain calm while trying to figure out how to stop embarassing myself any further. Quite a challenge.

I feel lazy at the thought of having to change, sweating it out, coming back to cool off and having to shower, dry my hair and all that shit. Thinking of the process puts me off the mood to exercise. But I put my excuses to the side and went to the gym back to back. Yesterday and today. I feel good. It was worth while.

I hope I won't let the bad side take over me anymore...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Heart-Warming Moments...

I was leaving on a bus to Singapore the other day...
I saw an old man taking photos and hugging his daughters goodbye...
So touching...

I was jogging around my block two days ago...
I saw a father with his two sons doing cooling down exercises...
So heart-warming...

I just feel there are many things happening in this world...
We need to stop and take a look around us sometimes...
There is so much love around us, we should remember that...
Don't sweat the small stuff in life...

*wink*

Friday, April 10, 2009

Short Update~

I was trying to recall the things I've been doing these past few weeks. Besides work, meeting up with friends and boyfriend, I can't think of any important task that I've tried to attempt during the last few days.

But there are tonnes of things occupying my mind. Trying to swap my leave dates again, try and plan a last minute holiday for me and mommy, getting in touch with some of my friends in KL, reading a book, doing my word puzzles, cleaning out more junk, go for a facial and massage, attend more pilates classes, taking more photos, updating my iPod, write something for my blog, and I'm sure there was more...

I haven't completed a single thing I mentioned in the above.

WHAT EXACTLY HAVE I BEEN DOING?

*crawls into bed and nap*

Monday, March 30, 2009

Happy Birthday Sayang~



I know I've said it more than 10 times today but....


Happy Birthday sayang~

Too bad you've got to work today. But lucky for us, we got the weekend off to pre-celebrate your birthday! Ma Maison was a good choice of restaurant...


Beers galore~



Window sightings




Warm and cosy setting...




Snails anyone? (Escargot)




Camembert Fritters (some kind of honey sauce by the side)




Our favourite Soba Salad...MMmm..




Scotch Eggs




Honey Caramel Pudding


It was our second time at Ma Maison, but it was one of the best ever meals. We loved the place, the ambience, the food, everything about the place. Wish the location was nearer to where we stayed though. Hehe...

I hope YOU had a super time during the weekend, cause I really did. Love you sayang~

Congratulations to Newlyweds Mr. & Mrs. Chong~


The happy couple Mr. & Mrs. Chong...


Last weekend, Nic and I went back to KL to attend my friend's wedding. We had the best-est time ever!

I've met Karen from secondary school and TC through some friends from LEO club functions. Even though I've been classmates with Karen, but we've never been close in school. It was only after our good friends left for studies in Australia, that we started spending more time together. As for TC, we always meet up with the same group of friends (with Karen inclusive) for more than 8 years now.

I'm so happy when I first heard they got together. And even happier to hear that they were getting married. I'm glad to have been able to join them when Karen was choosing her bridal gown. I'm glad that I made it for both their wedding ceremony and dinner.

It was the most overwhelming experience.

Knowing the wedding was going to take place was a totally different feeling to when it actually happen. From the moment I see Karen and TC in their gown and suit respectively, to the moment they were exchanging rings, the tea ceremony, and the wedding march in...it was so overwhelming.

All in all, everything was super.

I truly thank you, Karen & TC for inviting us to share the memorable day with you all. We enjoyed ourselves very much during the weekend.

Best wishes once again...and cheers to good life~

Friday, March 27, 2009

AHM: Another Happy Moment~

I was walking to the MRT station one day when I asked Nic if he remembered everything happy about us during these two years. We both have very weak memory, so sometimes, we need a little reminder.

For the last few months, I've been easily agitated and slightly temperamental. I tend to shut myself out from the world, go off track or even lose focus on things. I think at trying times like these, it helps when you think about happy things, happy moments, or how everything first started. It helps you remember how you feel in love, and how much you've grown in the relationship. It really makes you appreciate what you have, just that little more.

The following day after I had that conversation with Nic, he came up with a new term. AHM - A Happy Moment. He thought of something that I did or we did together and included it in our daily messages. So it became AHM - Another Happy Moment. I think it is one of the sweetest things that he did.

We constantly think about things that make us happy and it puts a smile on our faces. It helps cheer me up even when I'm having the lousiest moment. It makes me even happier when I'm already in a happy moment. Sometimes we even try to outdo one another by coming up with the best AHM. *smiles*

I think everyone should make it a habit to think about their own AHMs. It can even be one that you shared with your family or friends...

AHM: When we walked back to your place from Serangoon Gardens. It was far, but the weather was super.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Being Angry

For a moment today, I was thinking about how many people I've actually been angry with my whole life. I'm not talking about those small spams of angry feeling you get when customer service sucks, I'm not talking about the feeling you get when you don't get what you want, I'm talking about angry anger...like those that make you think bad thoughts and feel like doing bad things just to get even kind.

I don't think I've been angry many times or with many people. Its difficult. Yeah sure I've had some moments when the angry period boiled longer and some which had me reacting to it. Those felt real and never ending. It takes time, and a clear mind to sort things out. But I like that it goes away. Eventually.

I feel like I'm at peace today. (No I didn't do yoga)

I've been writing sad-angry-posts recently. Everyone's worried. Thinking that I might actually permanently BE this person. I think I wanna put all that angry-ness past me today. I want to rest well. I want to stay young. I want to be happy again.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Everything Looks Blurred...

My fingers were just resting on the keyboard for over one minute.
I'm not right in front of the mirror now, but I know my face shows no expression.
I feel as though someone extracted my soul out of my body.

I don't know why he does it over and over again.
We try putting in trust, but he hurts us by telling lies.
I have no idea what goes on in that head of his.
What does he want?

Nobody knows....

I'm tired of trusting. I'm tired of trying. I know one of these nights I'm gonna have that same evil nightmare again.

I miss my mom. I wanna give her a big hug the next time I see her.

I think my soul came back again.
For a moment I felt a sudden rush of feelings.
Sad feelings. Like a wave, sweeping back and forth on the same spot.

I can see the sun shinning through my room windows.
Its so blazing hot today, maybe it'll dry up my well of sorrows.
We'll decide what to do next when the night comes.

I need comfort right now.
I'll go roll into a ball on my bed.
Please do not disturb....

Monday, February 16, 2009

True Colours...

Ever since I got together with Nic, a lot has happened with some of my friends here in Singapore. They feel strongly against how much time I would rather spend with my boyfriend than compared to them. They feel that I've become totally different, or somehow 'lost' my identity, and just completely changed from the me they once used to know.

I tell you...

I will never give in to a conversation that involves no value or respect for friendship.

I had a dramatic fall out with my housemate, Mandy, just a few days ago. It started with me cancelling off an intended trip we mentioned since last year. Things hasn't been all bright and chirpy with us recently and I guess it triggered off alot of emotions on her side.

All the small and petty things surfaced. All the 'you thought' 'i thought' bubbled fire like the larva that has been freshly erupted from the sleeping volcano. But the most lingering and already been mentioned more than once topic - my boyfriend - stuck out like a sore thumb from her.

She said she's saying all these out of care and concern. She doesn't want me to hurt as deep when the day comes that Nic is out of the picture.

I beg a pardon....?

After two years of a smooth and healthy relationship, I have many friends and family asking when me and Nic will tie the knot. Not one single one...ever mentioned the same thing she did. I know how much she must dislike him, but sitting around waiting for him to dump me so she can claim her glory when I run crying to her arms just seems ridiculously disgusting.

I have more than once mentioned her anonymously in my blogs. Because she annoys me sometimes, I just have to channel it somewhere, but out of respect, I just blog in a general non-name mentioning way. Today, I've had it. Its the true colours...so live with it...

She said I've 'lost' my identity, and isn't the girl she once knew. She thinks that my boyfriend is too controling, I'm too dependant on him, and always making excuses to cover up for him. I think its just crap. I used to be this naive, 'kampung' girl, always got bullied at work and didn't know how to stand up and speak for herself. Now that I'm no longer as blur, have my own opinions about things and speak my mind, she thinks that I'm no longer me. Everyone else seems to think this change a positive one. Only she has a problem with it.

Maybe because now I can think for myself and no longer just listen to her, she doesn't feel in power over me. Maybe because now I consult my boyfriend about things instead of her, she thinks he is controlling me. Maybe because now I have someone to shower me with affection, she thinks I'm too dependant on him. Maybe because now I know how to defend myself and Nic everytime she says something negative, she thinks that I'm making excuses.

After all the drama, she shakes my hand and asked to be friends again. I did take her hand. But my heart still rages from all the heat that was worked up. My brains are still playing the conversations over and over again. Its not like the situation was resolved when she asked for peace. I do not understand this girl. I can't pretend like I'm all buddy with her right now. But she does it. It feels fake.

Its almost 5 years since we lived together. We share a weird love-hate friendship. She is the only girl friend I dare not hug when I feel like it, dare not cling on to her arms when we go shopping, its just weird. If I happen to catch her on her good day, everything seems perfect. If I happen to catch her on a lousy day, I feel so plastic when I hang out with her, even up till today.

I've made up my mind.

I'm not gonna let myself be stepped all over anymore.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I Need Sleep~

I've been out and about since CNY. Never really got a good rest during my off days. I'm now feeling physically tired and mentally drained. It feels like I've aged 10 years within these two weeks.

I keep having weird dreams too. The bad ones about negative stuff I'm facing in life now. The normal ones about work (so it gets even more tiring when I wake up - as though I worked the whole time I was actually asleep). And the weird ones where I play with snow in Japan with my loved ones and some others about people I haven't met in ages!

I've got tonnes of photo to circulate around. But obviously I haven't gotten to doing it...

I just met my newborn cousin Danielle. It must be nice being in her shoes. People pamper and hug all the time. Just cry to get attention. Sleep and eat all the time. I'm sure I had those moments once. Just wished I'd remember it...

I'm writing randomly now. Cause that's exactly how my brain is functioning now.

I'm going off to see my soul mate now~ Tra la la~

Saturday, January 31, 2009

About Being Hopeful...

When I first created this blog, I thought for the longest time what I wanted to do with it. Should I write about traveling, should I write about food, should I write about all aspects of my life. Then I thought about how lonely I was, how negative I was at that point, and how badly I wanted a change. So I named this blog imhopeful. To remind me that I can be hopeful, I can hope for things, I can be positive.

I hung on tightly to those words. I am hopeful. Even more so recently.

I've been super emotional during the past weeks. Trying to fight all evil residing in my head. The things I actually thought about, I am so ashamed that it even crossed my mind. But that's what happens when you let your emotions control your being. Mind over body. Even when you think you have it mentally under control, it creeps into your subconscious and takes over your dreams.

Some shit happened. Cause and effect on my loved ones, including myself. It was one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Even all the CNY goodies couldn't console me.

I am glad we sat down and had a talk about it. I am glad someone sat me down and talked to me about it. I am glad everyone talked. I want to be hopeful with things again...

Thank YOU for giving me support all the time. I know I've been difficult. We've finally past a two year mark (following YOUR calculations). There will be many more to come...

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Toxic Friends

Just end of last year, I came across an article in a magazine listing out types of toxic friends people may have in life. There were a few catogeries which I can barely recall, but it compromised some that were jealous, some that had negative emotions, some that backstabbed and a few others. In short, friends that were not exactly healthy for us, mentally and emotionally, were classified as toxic friends. The article even had a column on how you should get rid of those with extreme tendencies of being toxic.

Before I came across that article, I've always had a different perception to what a toxic friend meant. Mainly because Nic told me he has a toxic friend. What they do is, they share all their toxic in life. All the crappy emotions and crappy moments. Basically crappy talk, dishing out all the toxic they felt towards their life. This toxic friend was there to listen out all the crap and they would help each other heal, motivate one another to carry on with life.

Toxic.

One word, two ways to be used.

I know for sure what kinda toxic friends I have. God help me please if I die of intoxication...

Monday, January 05, 2009

Look Around You...

I was just lazing around in bed, waiting for my red nails to dry...

I looked around my room and realised the number of things I meant to do but haven't gotten to it yet. There are specks of dust to be wiped off, there are clothes to be re-arranged, there are things to be organized, junk to be thrown out...yes my room is kinda in a mess. I wonder how am I gonna move these things back to KL when I really move out for good. And to think that I came here only with a medium sized luggage bag.

My digital photo frame is playing on its auto mode (and YOU say I don't use it). The photos have all been jumbled up in sequence since the last time Nic added some new pictures to it. I prefer it to be sequence cause it has some meaning to it. Photos bring back so many memories doesn't it? Reminds me of my initial stepping into a relationship with Nic. Reminds me of my Phuket holiday with the weirdest group combination. Reminds me of my much missed family times.

Outside my room was my housemate, Mandy. Sitting in the living room, channel surfing and occasionally walking into her room, web surfing on her laptop. At least, that is what I see and assume. Its weird how a person I've been living with for the past four years can be so distant at times...at most times...

Oh crap...I just realised the time too...its 11.30PM...I'm way past my promised bedtime. Sorry YOU. I got carried away...

Goodnite...