My mommy says...

you please stay MUTE and rest your voice.

I croaked a laugh (if that is possible).

I lost my voice and just visited the doctor. I text my mom to let her know that I was alright and doctor advised me to rest my voice for a few days. And my mom is such a cartoon. Ask me to stay mute and rest my voice...indeed!

Anyway, I will be really quiet. Nobody is at home. And my boyfriend's working till midnight. I have nobody to talk to. I'm just coughing my lungs out occasionally. I accidentally bought chicken to cook for dinner. Apparently when coughing, you're not suppose to eat chicken. I really didn't know that until I was staying out with my housemates.

Oh well, its chicken for dinner...or hunger strike then...

*puts both hands up to vote for chicken*

Pitter Patter~

I like the pitter patter sound.

Usually you hear that when it rains heavily, against your glass windows. Or when a little toddler is learning their walk on a squeaky clean floor. But the one I'm referring to, is the pitter patter on my keyboard. When I type real fast on my laptop.

I don't know why, but somehow it gives me a really nice feeling. Like I'm doing something big, something good. I like it. It gives me a sense of fulfillment. I feel like some intern writing for a magazine. I feel like I am typing really important emails, that will bring me some big bucks. I feel like Sarah Jessica Parker and her character Carrie in Sex In The City. I feel awesome when I'm typing.

I used to play typer shark on yahoo games when I was in college. It was quite fun. But that is speed typing. Without thinking. Not my favourite kind of typing. I love sending emails to Nic. He appreciates every word I put in, even though I sometimes sound nonsencical, or write rubbish. *happy sigh* You only need one person to appreciate the things you write to make your day. Really. But of course, when I'm writing a blog, a few more dozen of people wouldn't hurt.

Can I help you write something?

About doing nothing

I just had a full day of probably doing nothing.

Well, not really. I wrote a to-do list some time ago, and I've been keeping that up ever since. I add and cancel things to do, which is a great way to remind me of things I've been putting aside for months. I managed to cancel a few items off the list (although not exactly all are done today) which I think is quite a good progress.

Then I stare at the list and realise there are some things I can do tomorrow. Then I close it and watch TV instead. Then I open the list and add a few more things to it. Then I stare at the list and feel that I can do those another day, then I close it and sit around for a bit. Then I open the list...and the whole cycle probably continues for a few good times or so.

I mopped the house again today. I washed some clothes. I cooked a simple lunch. I watched 'Shopaholic'.

Maybe I wouldn't say I didn't do nothing today. I did do some things....

S-P-A-C-I-N-G

I don't know if its the headache, the grogginess from insufficient sleep, just being pure tired, or not spending enough time with boyfriend, I feel like i'm not doing anything but just spacing out.

I keep walking in and out of my room, in and out of the kitchen, to and fro from the living room. Don't know what is going through my mind.

Lost in space.

Johannesburg in a different light...

Its amazing how different one place can be in two different visits.

Its amazing how one left you feeling awful, wishing you were home, and everything nice just doesn't seem to interest you.

Its amazing how the other just feels fun, even if there isn't anything to do, but just sitting there with two laptops, doing our own separate things.

Its amazing how an awful fall out with a housemate would actually patch up.

Its amazing that we are here in Johannesburg together, right now.

Its amazing how things turn out when you put your heart to it.

Its just amazing how Johannesburg is in a different light today....

ZZzzz~

I can't believe I'm still tired after a 3 hour nap in the afternoon...
How am I gonna survive work later...

*sigh*

What makes your holiday?

I was looking through heaps of photos on my laptop and wondered to myself, which of those getaways were memorable to me. What made them memorable? The place? The people? The things I did? The shopping?

For me, its the people I travel with that makes the whole holiday super. The place will come in second, followed by the things we do and the shopping if any. People would probably say that my job is a holiday itself every time I stop over in different countries. But those don't really count, cause my loved ones are not there with me.

I have had some memorable holidays which plays in my mind ever so often especially during the days I wish I could just be on never ending leave and go for a super chill out time. The Bali trip I had with Nic is unforgettable cause it was my first time traveling with boyfriend with no adult supervision. Haha~ No. Really. The unforgettable part was learning each other's weird travel habits, staying up whole night swatting mozzies, peanut throwing competition, almost drowning moment, the fantastic dinner we had at Warung Sate, the sing-a-long session at the beach side under the stars and the whole entire journey we had together.

Then I remember the first trip I had with my 'lepakhere' friends. Port Dickson. The first ever trip with friends. I was so excited, even though it was just PD. I remember the girls sleeping in the room together, and the guys were mostly in sleeping bags or sleeping on sofa in the living room. We had an awesome time getting lost while driving, BBQ dinner, kayak-ing, and just enjoying each other's company.

Then there was that trip to Langkawi with my college friends. We took so many photos and had so much fun posing and planning poses for each. I will never forget the kayak-ing moment. I was paired with Yeemai and we felt like we were never gonna make it back. We kayak-ed with all our mights, with eyes closed (cause it was raining and the waves were choppy) only to realise that we never moved an inch and was probably going backwards. We keep telling each other how we didn't wanna die out there and we were so young and had so many things to do. Oh..and by the way, if you didn't already know, I can't swim. Yeemai can't either.

My most recent trip was last year, to Phuket with a weird combination of friends. There was Nic, my housemate Mandy, Nic's good friend Jerry and Nelsen, Nelsen's girlfriend Elaine, and Jerry's good friend Ivan. Everyone sort of knew one person or another, but some of us met only when we departed for the trip. It was an unexpectedly pleasant trip.

Of course I had memorable trips with my family as well. The endless travels in the car with sing-a-long songs, the many arguements we had, the stress we had to endure packing and unpacking together, and the many times we entertained ourselves silly just by being together as a family. There was one time when we were trying to warm up our teochew language before meeting our grandmother, we were literally translating mandarin songs word for word to teochew. That was absolutely funny and we laughed ourselves silly. But I think I remember most the time we had a short stay in Rasa Sayang Shangrila in Penang. The stay was awesome, not to mention the swimming pool.

I need to go for another holiday. With Nic. We are unable to decide where. It isn't so important to me where we choose to go, cause I only really need him to be there to make my holiday. But at the moment, we can't even decide on a place to go. So we can't plan anything yet. I hope we decide soon...so we can have something to look forward to.

Any suggestions anyone?

I wanna quit....

You know sometimes you get this naggy feeling. This super lazy, uncomfortable feeling towards work? Then you think, its about time I moved on....

I'm having one of this moments again.

But the sad thing is, like some people, I'd just talk about it, be de-motivated about it, be sad about it, be negative about it, be depressed about it, but I'd never actually do anything about it. Its horrible. Cause its like a curse that never ends.

Nic asked me, "What happened to the girl he first met? The one full of confidence and dreams, especially with the things she loves to do." I really don't know what happened. Maybe when I was younger, I wanted to prove people wrong, I wanted to outdo myself so people won't look at me as a weakling.

I remember being so adament on taking up the part-time writing job in Astro. I thought that was the road to my ambitions. I thought that would bring me places. And because it was so out of the way, I insisted on buying my own car. And just to pay off the car monthly installment, I worked 7 days a week, sometimes 2 jobs a day. But I was good. I survived. It was hard work, but I wanted it. I choosed it.

Coming over to Singapore to work was probably the biggest leap I took. But it was good. It opened up my world. It showed me things I wouldn't have known if I stayed on in Malaysia. I learned alot about people, about life, about responsibilities. But responsibilities come in so many different forms. I think I might have taken a little more than I expected to.

What do I do now? What should be my next move?

I need to summon all the courage I can from within to decide what I should do next. Wish me luck....*fingers crossed*